Q1: Sheikh al-Islam Ahmad ibn Taymiyyah was asked about a man whose wife does not pray: Is he obligated to command her to pray? And if she doesn’t comply, is he obligated to separate from her, or not?
A1: Yes, he must command her to pray, and this is obligatory upon him. In fact, he must command anyone whom he has the ability to command if no one else is doing so. Allah the Exalted said: “And command your family to pray and be steadfast in it.” And the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Teach them and discipline them.”
Along with this command, he should encourage her through positive motivation, just as he would encourage her regarding other necessities. If she persists in abandoning prayer, he should divorce her. This is obligatory according to the correct opinion. Those who abandon prayer deserve punishment until they pray, by consensus of Muslims. In fact, if one doesn’t pray, they are to be executed, and they are executed as disbelievers or apostates according to two well-known opinions. And Allah knows best.
Q2: Sheikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah was asked about a man who has a wife whom he houses among impure people, and takes her to places of immorality and associates with corrupt people. When told to move from this bad residence, he says: “I am her husband and I have authority over my wife and where we live.” Does he have this right?
A2: Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. He does not have the right to house her wherever he wishes, nor to take her wherever he wishes. Rather, he should live with her in a residence suitable for someone like her and should not take her to places of immorality. In fact, he should not associate with immoral people in their immorality. When he does this, he deserves two punishments: one for his immorality according to what he did, and another for failing to protect his wife and taking her to places of immorality. He should be punished in a way that deters him and others like him from such behavior. And Allah knows best.
Q3: My husband, may Allah forgive him, despite his adherence to virtuous morals and fear of Allah, doesn’t care about me at all at home. He is always frowning and irritable. You might say I’m the cause, but Allah knows that I fulfill his rights and try to provide him comfort and reassurance, and keep away from him anything that might upset him. I am patient with his behavior toward me. Whenever I ask him about something or speak to him about any matter, he becomes angry and says it is trivial and silly talk, even though he is cheerful with his friends and colleagues. From him, I only receive reprimand and bad treatment, which has hurt me greatly and tormented me many times, making me repeatedly consider leaving home.
I am, praise be to Allah, a woman with a moderate education, fulfilling what Allah has obligated upon me.
Your Eminence Sheikh: If I leave home and raise my children alone and bear the hardships of life by myself, would I be sinful? Or should I stay with him in this condition and refrain from speaking, participating, and feeling his problems?
Please advise me what to do, may Allah reward you.
A3: His Eminence Scholar Sheikh Abdul Aziz bin Baz, may Allah preserve him, answered:
Undoubtedly, it is obligatory upon spouses to live together in kindness and to exchange affection and virtuous morals with good character and a pleasant demeanor, as Allah Almighty says: “And live with them in kindness” [An-Nisa: 19] and “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness” [Al-Baqarah: 228], and the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Righteousness is good character” reported by Muslim. And he said: “Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” extracted by Muslim in his Sahih. And he said: “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my family” reported by Muslim, along with many other hadiths encouraging good character, pleasant encounters, and good companionship among Muslims in general, so how about between spouses and relatives?!
You have done well in your patience and endurance of the aloofness and bad character from your husband… I advise you to have more patience and not leave home, as there is much good in this, God willing, and a praiseworthy outcome, as Allah says: “And be patient, for Allah is with the patient” [Al-Anfal: 46], and “Indeed, whoever fears Allah and is patient, Allah will not allow the reward of the doers of good to be lost” [Yusuf: 99], and “Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account” [Az-Zumar: 10], and “So be patient, indeed, the best outcome is for the righteous” [Hud: 49].
There is no harm in teasing him and addressing him with words that soften his heart and cause him to be cheerful toward you and aware of your rights. Leave asking for worldly needs as long as he is fulfilling the important and obligatory matters, until his heart opens and his chest expands for your legitimate demands. You will praise the outcome, God willing. May Allah grant you more of all good things, improve the condition of your husband, inspire him to his right guidance, and grant him good character, a pleasant demeanor, and care for rights. Indeed, He is the best to be asked, and He is the Guide to the straight path.
Q4: Often my husband gets angry for trivial reasons. I can’t bear his anger and I respond to him, which intensifies his anger and increases his rage, leading to a disagreement between us that lasts for many hours, sometimes even longer.
A4: Dear sister who asked this question, this is not something you alone suffer from, but many wives do, especially in this time where men experience many annoyances in their work lives that get bottled up in their chests with no outlet except at home, causing them to lash out at their wives and children for the most trivial reasons. My words are not to justify these husbands, but to explain the sudden anger that the poor wife faces.
The solution, as I see it, is for the wife not to meet her husband’s outburst with a similar outburst, but to simply say to him: “May Allah forgive you.” This statement may not extinguish his anger, and he may continue in his rage, but you should stick to this approach and similar phrases like “You have a right over me” or “The shortcoming is mine,” and so on. It won’t take long, even if it seems so—half an hour or an hour—until the husband calms down after these electrical charges that were running through his body dissipate. He will remember his outburst and anger, and your calmness in the face of what came from him, and your meeting his harshness with forbearance and deliberation. He will then feel ashamed of himself and hold you in higher regard in his heart. The ship of marriage will then sail in a sea of security and peace after the raging waves have calmed and the stormy winds have settled.
